The company I work for holds monthly staff meeting executed in a very pep rally-like fashion. Part of the ritual includes congratulating people on anniversaries at the company. One WOMAN was being recognized for 10 years at the company. A colleague of hers then stands and says something along the lines of:
"For the past ten years we have seen so much change in the life of Suzzie (I am not creative with names). She came to us single, living in an apartment in the city."
Pause. This was not said in a cheerful manner. This was said in a aww how sad and lonely Suzzie was when we hired her poor soul.
"Over the past ten years she has met a husband, had not one, not two, but THREE kids, sold her apartment, bought a house, and is currently selling this house to get a NEW house! We have been through her engagement party, wedding, baby showers, and house warming. So congratulations Suzzie on 10 years at Company Awesome!"
HAHA WHAT? These are her accomplishments? I understand that she is probably happy now with a family and a house, but what is wrong with an apartment in the city? and being single? and HOW does this have ANYTHING to do with her ten years at the COMPANY?
Of course, the guy celebrating ten years is described as the expert in Application X and how generous he has been traveling to help other offices and how roll out X is going so smoothly because of his initiative to expand his knowledge and better the roll out plan.
Well congrats on "bettering" your life so much in 10 years Suzzie.
Another thing my brain could not wrap around was this month's Cosmopolitan. Carrie Underwood mislead me to thinking I would enjoy this issue. I did not. The fashion is fun, but the bulk of this magazine is cr@p. I am sorry, I feel like I am the only person that feels this way. Please do not hate me. It just seems to me that everything in Cosmo makes girls more crazy than we already are! It is natural to us (or at least me) to over think things. I think this is a good trait for work, makes us think of how to constantly improve things (AKA my job).
BUT this is a BAD thing in personal life. Did we learn NOTHING from He's Just Not That Into You? Guys are mostly SIMPLE. So how does this magazine fill its pages?
There is literally an article analyzing Brittney Spears and her boy. They had a "Gesture Expert' or something equally dumb analyze pictures of them. They both are walking with their left food in the front... translated to they are subconsciously on the same page about the future of their relationship. Her holding onto his waist when on a motorcycle means she feels deeply connected to him... never mind that if she wasn't holding onto him she would fall off and die (or break something at least).
My favorite part is when they analyze boyfriends. If he brings you a gift to say sorry, it means he is avoiding talking about what he did wrong and is not really sorry. If he texts you, it means he isn't telling the whole truth and knows that his voice would give it away. They also "decode" text messages and stuff.
Blah blah. Teenage girls could become truly psychotic if they took all this to heart. Let's hope they don't.
Off to pop in HJNTIY and remind myself how much I love Bradley Cooper... no Justin Long... NO Ben Affleck... OF COURSE I mean Jennifer Anniston!
Just remembered I have not seen Valentine's Day. I'm dying. Is it worth paying $11 to see?
P.S. Passion Party details to come...